I woke up today and nothing felt real. The question, “What in the world are you doing?!) resounded in my head. It scared me.
I looked around – there’s no furniture in my house. Everything echos. The sound isn’t something I recognize. In an instant, doubt washed over me, knocking my feet right out from under me, catching me in the riptide of doubt. What if this is all wrong! It scared me.
Wanting to crawl back in bed, instead, the pattering scratch of my bare feet on my new laminate flooring echoed eerily as I walked to the coffee pot:”You don’t have a house.” that strange voice said. “You don’t know what you are doing. Nobody cares anyway. You are not all that, you know.” It scared me.
My routine continued. Pour the coffee, give the Poms their morning treat, use the bathroom, get to your office (wait – it’s all packed up) – get on my bed… I’m kind of numb. I don’t want to read. I just want this voice of doubt to get out of my head. It scared me.
I did my reading anyway, as always: Paul writing to the Colossians, reminding them they were once far from God, but not any more. Stop living like the old you. Put on the new you, he says…. Wait! What did he say? Put on the new you? You mean I can change my “mental” clothing myself? I read on.
Why yes. If I continue in the faith, firmly established and steadfast, not moved away from the hope of the gospel that I have heard, that has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven! It scared me.
I recognized how close I was to being moved away from my hope. I was allowing thoughts of fear and doubt to crowd in my mind. They were washing over me and I felt fear. Out of nowhere. Boom. There was fear and crazy thoughts. But, I’ve been reconciled, like the Colossians. Like Paul says.
Did I suddenly feel 100%. On top of the world? Unicorns and flowers? No. My head is still hurting. My house is still empty, but my hope is renewed, restored because of the truth that is unshakable, unmoveable. I’ve been reconciled. There is someone bigger than myself directing my paths. I’m just doing this life thing in His shadow – the shadow of the Almighty.
There are no words to explain how faith and hope carries you, lifting you above the natural, emotional waves that pound the shores of life; there is only belief. And, when that belief is real because it is founded on the Living Word, it just is. You’ll know because somehow your head stays above the water. The current of His love is your buoy, and you stay afloat. I’m not scared anymore.
Are you drowning in life? Choking and sputtering? Reach out and take the lifeline. You don’t have to be scared anymore either.